do not urinateNowhere else in the world, I would imagine, is it necessary to place notices and directions such as these: “Please do not Spit”, “No Urination here”.  To quote an oft repeated phrase, It Happens Only in India it would seem.  Whereas it should be an obvious tenet for people to follow, that they should not be going around spitting, urinating and littering, in India it is necessary to actually state this in writing to admonish and prevent people from doing so.

The spitting malaise is one that is observed across social and economic strata. Not only will the humblest of the humble be found hacking and spitting great gobs of phlegm on any pavement that he may wish, you will find a stream of foul red, the ubiquitous ‘paan pichkari’ emanate from the swankiest, most expensive car as well. In this all of us Indians stand firmly united; the walls and stairs and even lift shafts in many cases, are permanently marked by the disgusting evidence of people’s complete disregard for hygiene and civic sense, particularly with regard to public property.  

The same people who will scrupulously have their entire homes swept and swabbed each day without fail, will think nothing of depositing garbage on the road, or outside their train, bus or car window with utter disregard for public areas and others who use it.  

I can recall a hilarious show done by comedian Cyrus Broacha on MTV some years back, when he would surreptitiously come upon people urinating in public and ask them, as though interviewing them, “Yeh kaam aap kabse kar rahe hai?” I am sure a lot of people got over their public urination tendencies due to this show; but the very fact that boards need to be put up, and fines levied to stop this disgusting behaviour is an indication of how rife it is and how men seem to think absolutely nothing of it.

Thankfully this seems to be predominantly male activity; men seem to be unable to contain their bladders when confronted by certain smelly walls; much like a dog and a fire hydrant; mercifully, no such Pavlovian response seems to be triggered in women so we don’t have squatters all over the place. 

Talking about men and disgusting behaviour in public there is also the scratching in unmentionable places that men seem to find quite acceptable; often thinking nothing of raising their shirts to stroke a grossly rounded tummy even! Pity there is no fine for such revolting public fondling. It is a sad comment on our society that there is an actual need to explain to people; “No scratching Here, or there or anywhere….”